Hamilton's Diary
by dancingfireflies23
Summary: Oh, dear. Just what is in Hamilton's Diary, anyway? Click to find out! Rated K plus in case, with Hammy's strange mind and all...
1. Chapter 1

_Dear Diary,_

_Well, hello there! My name is Hamilton Fawn Derrièra, and I am 58 years young with a full head of hair. My eyes are a lovely shade of blue, and my measurements are 60', 74', and '72. I thought I would describe myself to you, since you will be my primary venting space._

_Let's start with today's events, shall we?_

_At precisely 5:58 A.M., my alarm clock woke me up to the charming melody of Teardrops on My Guitar by Taylor Swift. She's such a pretty girl. Anyways; I sprung out of bed, slipped on a pair of underpants, (something my son demands after an unfortunate incident a few months ago) and stepped into my fuzzy bunny slippers. My robe was waiting for me on the door, so I put it on before venturing out into the rest of the house. _

_My twenty-three year old son, Gilligan Renae Derrièra, earlier mentioned, was still sound asleep in his bed, so I went into his room and began to sing the chorus of Arms by Christina Perri to awaken him gently._

"_Father," he mumbled, ever-so-sweetly. "I'm trying to sleep here, please stop your beautiful ballads and save them for later." He then lazily rolled over._

"_But Gilligan! It's 6:04 A.M.! You can't sleep in!" I insist._

"_Father. We do not work on the farm like Akari does." I hear the candy in his voice as he says Akari's name. I do say, I believe he has a 'smash' on her, as the hip kids call it!_

"_Yes, but we do have a schedule to maintain! Your dear future wife lives on a very agreeable schedule, though!"_

"_Father!" Gilligan snapped; the utter disrespect in this child! "Akari is NOT my future wife, and I would like a few more hours of sleep; I don't even work for you anymore!"_

"_Fine, I'll leave you alone, but I'm making you breakfast; be ready in 15 minutes!"_

_Little Gilly mumbled something about locks as I walked out. _

_After an uneventful breakfast, Gilligan styled my hair for me, as he does every day. He then decided to invite a few friends over; Chase, the local chef, Luke, the deranged carpenter (I confiscated his axe when he came in so he didn't have a chance of harming little Gilly), and Toby, the sleepy fisherman. _

_I decided they were hungry, so I got to cooking some tomato risotto in the kitchen. As I was cooking, I sang Black Keys by the Jonas Brothers, "She hits the gas…hoping it would pass…" All of Gilly's little friends started giggling; they must have been talking about some girl they all fancy. _

_They devoured the risotto! It's my little sweetie Gill's favorite. I shooed them out of the house and told them to be safe. Of course, I turned on Gilly's hidden baby monitor (he has never known about it!) to ensure he was 100% safe. _

_Nothing out of the ordinary occurred - Chase and Gilly argued over Akari while Toby mumbled something about Molly, Akari's sister. I reckon Chase and Gilly both have sheep's eyes for Akari, while Toby likes Molly. I can't blame any of these boys - the girls certainly are lovely specimens! _

_When the boys returned from their afternoon out, it was past dinnertime. They had eaten at the Sundae Inn; Chase is a marvelous cook. I wish I had an apron like that...Maybe I can sew one, but add a couple flowers and a lace trim! Yes, that would be just lovely._

_Oh, Diary. I guess having you will help me sort out my thoughts. Thank you for listening to my rambling for today. _

_I just have a question...How can I get my little Gilly to ask Akari on a date...?_

_I know! I'll ask her FOR him on the news station tomorrow! I'm such a genius! Ha-ha!_

_Well, I must bid you goodbye, fair Diary. I will capture you later!_

_~Hamilton~_

_: - )_

**Hey all! Violetfireflies and I thought we'd whip up something special for you all! Hammy's diary. Oh, dear. I'm afraid for the mental sanity of you fair people, as well as ours! XD **

**Let us know what you think. We're going to take turns writing entries; this was mine, swingdancer23's! Hope ya liked it :)**


	2. Chapter 2

_Dearest Diary,_

_Sometimes I just don't know what I'm going to do with this rebellious son of mine..._

_First of all, Gilligan decided to sleep in _again_! So I barged right through his door and opened his blinds._

"_Uppity up, Gilligan! The worms aren't going to catch themselves you know!"_

_Suddenly, something caught my eye on the floor and I almost had a cow when I saw what it was._

"_Gilly! What do you think you're doing with this?" I demanded, "Do you realize the danger of harboring this… this… dangerous… danger?"_

"_Father… we've been over this five times," he mumbled from underneath his blankets, "It's a comb."_

"_We both know your level of coordination is equivalent to that of a two year old. You could be holding this weapon, about to comb your luscious locks, when you miss and stab your eye repeatedly!"_

"_That's absurd. But if I was to accidentally stab my eye, I'm pretty sure I would stop after the first time."_

_I continued my rant, "Before you even realize what you're doing, you could be blinded forever! Then, all of my- I mean _your_ dreams of finding a wife, becoming mayor, and having eight children will be thrown out the window! YOU WILL DIE ALONE I TELL YOU!"_

"_Did you take your medication this morning?" he asked with a familiar look on his face._

_I ignored him. "Just look at the menacing spikes of death on this thing! I'm not comfortable with you having this. I'm very disappointed in you, Gilligan! If I can't trust you, I just might have to remove your door. That way you can't sneak in these weapons!"_

_Now that I have described to you, darling diary, that conversation with my rebel son, what do you think?_

…

_OH that's absolutely right! I knew I could count on you to help me think about my life situations. Gilly was being completely unreasonable._

_That takes me to the next event of the day: my announcement to Akari on the news station…_

_It started off just grand. I double checked my hair, making sure it pointed in the correct directions, and I triple checked my zipper (forgot to do that once… not a pretty story). The red light on the camera turned on and I smiled widely._

_I clapped and happily noticed that was getting easier to reach around my stomach. I only slightly broke into a sweat this time!_

"_Akari, will you go out with my one and only son, Gilligan? He is the future mayor of Harmonica Town! He's too socially awkward to ask you himself, but that shouldn't deter you from-"_

_I looked down and couldn't believe it; I thought I zipped this darn thing up!_

_I need to go to the tailor's shop for a new pants fitting. For some reason, they keep canceling my appointments. I hope it doesn't have anything to do with the day I forgot to wear my Depends…_

_Ahem. Sorry diary, that was off topic. Back to the announcement…_

_After I zipped my pants back up, I continued speaking. "Please call 555-GILL. That's 555-4455. He is awaiting your call, Akari! Don't break his heart and make him die alone!"_

_I wished I could have seen her reaction. I bet she was jumping up and down with joy. _

_As I am writing this, I am sitting inside the Town Hall, listening intently to the hidden baby monitor so that when she calls, I can hear their conversation._

_I know I did the right thing today. Gilligan is going to be so happy that I took the first step in getting them together._

_I WANT GRANDBABIES!_

_~Hamilton Fawn Derri__è__ra~_

* * *

><p><strong>Hi! violetfireflies here! I just about died laughing when swingdancer23 told me she thought Hamilton wore Depends, so I had to use that in here. :P I hope you enjoyed this diary entry. I also hope you aren't being mentally scarred, because I think I am. :O Pretty please leave a review~<strong>

**Thank you so much all who have reviewed:**

**Fanfiction Ninja (yes, swingdancer23 and I know each other in real life), MidnightxMusic, harvestmoongirl987, HorseGirl784, and coolestperson19. And thanks to the anonymous reviewer who has no name for giving us the first review!**

**I have issues with long author's notes... I just like to thank everyone! And ramble on about stuff ;) haha anyway, swingdancer23's entry is next! Look out!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Darling Diary,_

_Oh, yes, you are loving these names I'm giving you, hm?_

_I'm quite the charmer, you see._

_Apparently, my son Gilligan has inherited my charm, but not my tact! He's just so brusque with everyone; and he very may well have permanently damaged his chances with Akari, as well!_

_What happened, you may ask?_

_My darling Gilly was so thrilled with my announcement that later that night he asked me if I was insane, and when I told him yes, insane for him and Akari, he ran out of the house! I originally thought he was going to go find Akari and propose to her, but when I was listening on the baby monitor, I discovered he was in the Sundae Inn, at the bar. Chase was talking to him, saying that everything would be okay. I guess little Gilly was a bit nervous about seeing Akari again, given he asked her out!_

_And then things got interesting – I heard a sudden silence, and then a quiet, "Oh. H-hi Gill…Chase…"_

_Akari!_

_I got so excited I wet my Depends, so I was changing them as I was listening to the rest of the conversation. _

"_Oh! Hi Ak-kari…," my brave Gilligan stuttered. Poor lovesick boy!_

_Silence._

"_So…about that…news thing," Akari said._

_I thought I could hear wedding bells! _

"_Listen, Akari," Gill mumbled, a terrible, horrible habit I've tried to get him to drop! Mumbling is no way to earn a lovely lady's heart! "That…was NOT my idea. I had no idea father would do something so…so…doltish!"_

_I MUST wash that boy's mouth with my special swear soap! Speaking in such a way is not appropriate around a beautiful young woman, such as Akari!_

"_Ah…yeah, I…uh….I don't really know what to say…"_

"_You don't have to say anything, Akari. My father is the village idiot; he'll never understand that intervening like this won't help me win a girl's heart."_

"_Yeah…"_

_I was biting my nails furiously from anticipation. I was ruining my manicure I had gotten earlier that day from Luna! Come on, Gilly! Ask her to go out with you!_

"_It's not like I'd go out with you, anyway," Gilly said. _

_Stupid! What a stupid thing to say! I screamed NO! at the top of my lungs, and I felt tears roll down my face._

_I was unable to continue. I shut off the baby monitor and headed straight to bed. _

_That's where I am now, Diary. I don't know what to do with my son. He just doesn't know how to be tactful with people! See, he needs to follow my example. I'm discreet about what I want to say. I never just blurt things out of the blue. _

_You see, I'm always trying to befriend people, not push them away! Take the other day for instance; I was giving the schoolchildren some candy. That is the sign of a true mayor and a friend! I don't see any other older men giving stranger children candy, now do I? _

_I'm just a great example for my son, and he rebels against me. _

_Sigh. _

_I wasn't even able to LOL at my favorite show tonight, Sprite Rangers. _

_But I am determined to fix this. I'm going to Akari's tomorrow morning to straighten this mess out!_

_I guess that's all I have to say, Diary. _

_Farewell for now._

_~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~_

* * *

><p><strong>All righty. <strong>

**Gahh, I seriously stink at Hamilton stuff. Violet is WAY better at that!**

**But WOW. This fic is getting lots of attention; thanks so much! We love the support!**

**All right, violet, the torch of Ham is passed. Git 'er done! Hopefully your next entry will help me improve the inspiration for my next entry :)**


	4. Chapter 4

_Beloved Diary,_

_I am beginning to think that I almost love you more than my own son! At least you don't rebel against me. I feel as though my world is spiraling out of control and I'm caught in the storm clouds of utter despair with nothing to comfort me, save for a gallon of potato ice cream and Sprite Rangers season four on DVD. Look what that boy has done to me… I'm getting all poetic!_

_I must not give up hope yet! Gill will one day realize that I was right the whole time about Akari. He just needs to get the lead out of his pants and ask her out already! I took a much needed trip down to her farm today to straighten things out._

_I knocked on her door at 6 a.m. sharp. When she didn't answer it after two seconds, I let myself in._

"_Akari, why won't you date my son?" I asked in a whiney voice._

"_How did you get in here? Uh… never mind. I don't think he even wants to date me."_

"_Why on earth would you think that?"_

"_Because he said, and I __quote, '__it's not like I'd go out with you, anyway.'"_

"_He was just kidding! Gilly is so funny, isn't he? As a father, I know he wants to go out with you. He writes about you all the time in his diary!"_

"_You read his diary?"_

"_Maybe. But the point is, you neeeeeed to date my son!" I got on my hands and knees begging her._

"_I'm sorry. I don't know if I can right now," she said._

"_IT'S ANOTHER MAN, ISN'T IT? IT'S THAT CHASE!" I couldn't believe that Chase would steal Akari away from Gilligan! It's obvious that Gilly and Akari are going to be together forever and ever._

"_No, no! It's not another man. Gill and I just need to get to know each other better," she suggested and then face palmed as if she had said something she regretted._

"_WHAT A SPLENDID IDEA! Consider it done." I scurried out the door and back to my house._

_Right now, I'm scheming up a play date for Gilly and Akari. They are going to love me once I set this thing up… In the meantime, however, I must have a word with Gilligan about letting other men *cough* Chase *cough* steal away his woman._

_Now, diary, what to do for this play date…?_

_~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~_

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry that's its so short and not as funny as the other entries, but I wanted to leave the 'play date' up to swingdancer23! Aww thank you swingdancer, but I always LOL at your entries! I love your hilariousness. :D I can't wait to see what you come up with next.<strong>

**YAY REVIEWS! Everyone who has reviewed means so much to me and swingdancer23. I can't help it... I gotta do this:**

**Thanks to: probieprincess, RebeccaSaysYay, Penny ToughGirl, MidnightxMusic, NC. Rose, Tsubaki-San, Hmszelda, Fanfiction Ninja, and coli66!**

**Pie is the rockin'est dessert ever, so you all get virtual pie. Ok, now let's observe as swingdancer23 writes the next entry... no pressure ;)**

**~ violetfireflies**


	5. Chapter 5

_Precious Diary,_

_Dear, oh dear. My son has no manners in him, I'm telling you! I hope I saved their little play-date. Here's how it went down! Groovy, man…_

_First, I brought little Gilly to Akari's house to pick her up. Akari answered the door; she was a little snippy, but I bet it's because she was so nervous to be going on a play date with my darling son!_

"_What," Akari spat. Her being so nervous made me giddy!_

"_Hello my future daughter-in-law! I have come on yourself and Gilligan's play-date to chaperone!"_

"_Play-date?" Akari asked, her eyes dull._

_Gilly looked at me. "Chaperone?" He groaned._

"_Of course! I couldn't trust you two attractive little younglings together alone! You know, that whole male-female dynamic; a simple, harmless 'smash' leads to attraction, which leads to-"_

_Gilly RUDELY cut me off. "Ok! We get it, father. But you never told me about this…'play-date'! I thought we were coming here to tell Akari that she needs to shave more often or something. Father, we are in our twenties. We don't go on play dates anymore."_

"_GILLIGAN RENAE! How dare you speak of Akari in such a dishonorable manner!" I grabbed his hand and he struggled to take it out of my grip. I smacked the back of his hand and barked, "BAD GILLY!" at him. _

_He sent me a strange look and when he noticed Akari was standing there, seeming impatient, he muttered an apology to her. She nodded, obviously hurt._

"_Anyways, young ones! Follow me, and I shall lead you to your play-date destination!"_

_Akari rolled her eyes, but compliantly followed me. I grabbed Gilly's wrist and drug him along._

_We finally reached the destination; the playground on the beach!_

"_We have a playground?" Gilligan asked._

"_On the beach?" Akari added._

"_Yes! It was newly installed for your little play-date. Here, wear these, since you're so close to the ocean!" I handed them both floaties for their arms. _

_Gilly glared at me as he slid the floaties on. Akari gave Gilligan a look, but put them on anyway._

"_Good!" I exclaimed. "Now, Akari, go sit in that swing, and Gilly, go push her! Not too high, now!" I shoved them both forward and patted their backs. _

_They begrudgingly scuttled forward towards the playground. I plopped down right where I was, and turned Gilly's baby monitor on as I observed the children intently._

"_I can't believe Father is making us do this," Gilligan grumbled, pushing Akari on the swing._

"_Yeah, and I can't believe you'd comply; I'd think my legs were too hairy for you!" Akari said, sarcasm lacing her sentence. _

"_I didn't mean it. He was just irritating me; I'm sorry."_

"…_It's fine, I guess. Your Father gets the best of you, doesn't he?"_

"_Yeah, he does."_

"_Well, I guess we just have to make the best of this day."_

"_Yep."_

_They continued to swing and small-talk, and then I instructed them to slide down the slide a couple of times together._

_That may not have been the best idea in the world._

_The slide apparently was made to hold one child, one adult, not two adults. _

_It kind of…collapsed. _

_Gilly lashed some nasty words at me and stormed off, dragging Akari off with him._

_I listened on their baby monitor, and it turns out he walked her home, and they got along swimmingly!_

_Let's just hope they continue on this path of romance!_

_To ensure they do, I'm holding a mandatory date night for all the singles aged 16-26 on the island in two days!_

_And I'm arranging the couples._

_~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~_

* * *

><p><em><strong>*Phew! That took a while to write. Poor violetfireflies was waiting in anticipation for over a day! Sorry to keep you all waiting. School has made me crazy busy, plus being a beta-reader and trying to do my own stories…yeah. <strong>_

_**Hopefully you liked this! Oh, here's a little something violetfireflies and I did today as we were IMing.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

* * *

><p>sd23:<p>

*glare*

violet:

*chase glare*

sd23:

*GASP!*

violet:

hahaha you died. no one can look at chase's glare for more than 5 seconds and live

sd23:

*vaughn glare*

violet:

*GASP*

sd23:

u've been dead for a LONG time now. you can die BEFORE he glares at you.

violet:

*luke axe swinging*

luke just chopped ur head off

sd23:

*elliot nerdness *

violet:

*Gill's EXTREME sweater vest/guy capri combo*

MWAHAHA

sd23:

*will's britishness*

violet:

GASP *JULIUS' GAYNESS*

sd23:

*shea's tribalness, he stabs you with a SPEAR*

*because he thinks u a CHICKEN*

Violet:

*JIN JUST FIXED IT CUZ HES A DOCTOR* AND *HE BORED YOU TO DEATH WITH TALK OF HERBS*

Sd23:

*denny uses his amazing fishing pole aim and casts at u, the hook gets caught in ur eye and you GO BLIND*

violet:

*HAMILTON HAMMYS YOU*

sd23:

*luke becomes a double agent and runs around you in circles while screaming tonight tonight and makes you so dizzy you pass out, then he chops ur head off*

violet:

*luke does NOT become a double agent*

sd23

*nice comeback*

violet:

*I KNOW*

sd23:

*we should totally post this on ff as an author's note*


	6. Chapter 6

_My Sweetest Diary,_

_I do believe the date night was success! Love was in the air. Let me set the scene for you, diary. There were tables set up all over the beach, with the ocean and the sunset as a romantic backdrop. Each table had a candle, a single rose, and special note cards with things to say to your date if you were at a loss for words. Of course, Gilligan went with Akari._

_I made Chase go with Candace, Luke with Anissa, Toby with Kathy, Calvin with Renee, Jin with Selena, Julius with Phoebe, and Owen with Maya. For some reason, the young'uns didn't appreciate my carefully planned out coupling. Poor Luna was the only one without a date, so I told her that she could go sit in the corner and watch everyone else. I felt that it would cheer her up to see Gilly with the woman of his dreams._

_Luke made good use of my note cards. "You smell like a potato," he read from the card. I wrote that myself! Since potatoes are the most fragrant vegetable, I'm sure any woman would love to be compared to one. Anissa stood up, obviously deeply moved by the compliment, and slapped Luke across the face. Ah, the wonders of love._

_Over at the next table, Toby was reeling Kathy in with another one of my handwritten pickup lines. "I lost my number. Can I have yours?"_

_"Toby, you already have my number."_

_IT WORKED! I smell a wedding!_

_I heard Chase reading one from his table. "My love for you is like diarrhea… I just can't hold it in?"_

_Poor Candace was taken aback by Chase's sudden love confession and she blushed madly._

_"Who wrote this junk?" Chase shouted angrily._

_I floated over to his table like I was on cloud nine. "Oh Chase, your heart did!"_

_He rolled his eyes and chucked my special handwritten notecards into the ocean._

_Toby started reading another one! That kid sure knows how to lure the ladies to him. "Your eyes are bluer than the Atlantic, and I'm lost at sea."_

_"That's nice, Toby, but my eyes are green." Kathy never looked more in love!_

_Now, diary, I bet you are wondering about little Gilly and Akari. Their date went absolutely perfectly. I only had to use my training spray bottle once, when he tried to initiate a conversation with someone other than Akari._

_"I'm really sorry about this, Akari," Gilligan said to her._

_I suddenly realized what was wrong with this situation. It was lacking in music._

_"PASCAL!" I called to the old fisherman who was standing on the nearby dock._

_He walked over to me and I handed him an accordion that I just happened to bring with me. He looked hesitant. "I don't know how to play this."_

_"Sure you do," I encouraged. "PLAY IT, MAN!"_

_Pascal began playing a wondrous melody on the accordion. I don't think Chase has an appreciation for the fine musical arts because he ABRUBTLY stood up from his table (I do believe that's where Gilligan gets his rudeness from. I'm starting to see that Chase is bad influence on him) and began yelling things at me._

_"Just because you enjoy stupid music like this doesn't mean we all have to suffer!"_

_"Chase! Have respect for your olders!"_

_"And the food you're trying to pass off on us tastes like it came from a dumpster!"_

_"YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING!"_

_"I don't know about anyone else, but I'm outta here." Chase was going to start a rebellion and everyone was going to leave!_

_"NO! You can't leave yet! Gilly and Akari haven't shared their first kiss yet!"_

_Gilligan and Akari's eyes widened at the very thought! They must have been so excited._

_"They can't kiss!" Chase and Luna exclaimed simultaneously._

_"And why is that?" Gilly's outburst was so surprising. That's my boy! Go get your woman!_

_"Because… you just can't!" Oh Chase, if only you knew your protests were in vain._

_"KISS KISS KISS KISS!" I started chanting. Others joined in loudly._

_"Oh yeah? Well watch this!" Gilligan leaned in and kissed Akari. That was the last thing I saw before fainting and then waking up on the floor of my living room hours later. Needless to say, I had to change my pants._

_I almost felt bad about this coming between Gill and Chase's friendship. Almost. HAHA IN YOUR FACE, CHASE! GILL GOT THE GIRL!_

_~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~_

* * *

><p><strong>I really hope you guys thought it was funny. Please review! It's greatly appreciated. ~ violetfireflies<strong>

**Thanks for your reviews on Chapter 5 Hmszelda, Fanfiction Ninja, Helena Morpho, HersheyChocolates101, Hammy, person with no name, Hammyfan, MidnightxMusic, and Penny ToughGirl. That's like… NINE WHOLE PEOPLE. At least I hope it's nine WHOLE people. LOL! I'm seriously surprised and overjoyed that this fanfic is so popular. Thanks a billion times!**


	7. Chapter 7

_Sweetest Diary,_

_Almost Lover has been the theme song for this day, Diary._

_Goodbye, my almost lover…goodbye my hopeless dream…_

_Precisely, a Fine Frenzy. You sing the sorrows of my heart as if you have shrunken a submarine and snuck into my ear and gone down into my heart and felt my sorrows, transforming them into song._

_My darling Gilly has ruined his chances with Akari again...I feel as though my dream of Akari becoming Mrs. Derrièra is hopeless and has left me. I wanted her to bear my grandbabies!_

_What's happened?_

_After Akari and Gilly's outward expression of their love for one another, as you know, I passed out. But the next day, I asked Gilligan when he would be taking Akari out on a courting session. He said the UNTHINKABLE!_

"_I dunno."_

…_I…DUNNO?_

_I did NOT waste fifteen years of special grammar classes, winter camps, and several tutors to ensure Gilligan got nothing but the BEST in grammar just to get this…horrid word choice and sentence structure!_

_Where's the noun?_

_Where's the correct pronunciation of "I do not know?"_

"_Dunno" is NOT a word, and never shall be! Made-up words are not acceptable when conversing with another! In a technological setting or when I write to you, Diary, it's acceptable. But not when conversing with a HUMAN BEING! Especially not his future WIFE to the future MAYOR, and eventually grandchild bearer! Akari will NEVER fall in love with my darling Gilly when his grammar is that of a…a…HOBO! _

_What about my grandbabies? Will they grow up with Gilligan's grammar?_

_I shake my head as I write this. It's a disgraceful thought._

_I thought I could correct the problem before he exposed his ghastly grammar habits to the love of his life – but the hidden baby monitor proved me wrong! I overheard Gilly say "dunno" and a slew of other words I think I would faint again if I repeated…and he was talking to AKARI! _

_When he got home, he got a thorough tooshie-chewing and sent straight to his room for the night._

_If only I could get to the source of this grammar disgrace…_

_~Hamilton Fawn __Derrièra~_

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><p><strong>Hey all! I am SO sorry it took me forever to update. As you've noticed, I haven't updated The Story of Chelsea and Vaughn in over a month.<strong>

**A MONTH.**

**I used to update every other day! *Sniffle***

**Well, let's hope this will spur on an updating frenzy with Violetfireflies and I, hm?**

**Please review, we love ALL of them and we're just so thrilled we have 42 reviews on the 6th chapter! That's just insane...and it's all because of you, dear readers! Thank you for your continued support.**

**~swingdancer23**


	8. Chapter 8

_Fairest Diary,_

_After I scrubbed Gilligan's trashy mouth with my special 'bad grammar' soap, I did some serious thinking. I have tried almost everything possible for Akari and Gill to go on a date and get married. Maybe I'm being too subtle. Yes, that must be it! They just aren't getting my hints. Today, my attempts at getting them to go on a date revealed something shocking. Let me explain to you what happened:_

_Making sure little Gilly was still sound asleep in his room, I picked up the phone and dialed the number that would save their relationship._

_"Hello you've reached Merengue Clinic, Dr. Jin speaking."_

_"Why hello, doctor! I am interested in your couple's therapy session," I said. There was silence on the other end. He must have thought I was talking about myself! "Oh don't worry, it's not for me. It's for Gilly and Akari. Their relationship has hit some turbulent times." I chuckled._

_"Hamilton… I'm not a therapist, and I don't offer couple's therapy sessions," he said._

_"You are a doctor! Does your title lie? Is it all a lie? Your career? What did you go to school for then? To put smiley face Band-Aids on my boo-boos? You don't need a degree for that! …or do you nowadays?"_

_He interrupted me. THE NERVE OF THE YOUTH THESE DAYS! "Alright, alright. Tell them to come in later today."_

_Satisfied, I hung up the phone and went into Gilly's room to prepare him for his first couple's therapy session._

_"Get up, my little gosling!" I shoved him out of bed and he hit the floor with a plunk._

_Alright, diary, I am going to fast forward to the therapy session because I don't think you want to hear all about how Gilligan tried using his comb yet again. I swear… one day that kid is going to severely injure himself with that weapon of mass destruction. I had to wrestle it out of his hands and throw it into our fireplace so that no other children could possibly find this item and stab themselves in the eye._

_Anyway, there we were, at the doctor's office._

_"So what seems to be the problem?" Dr. Jin asked with a sigh._

_Akari shifted uncomfortably under Gill's arm which I ordered him to put around her in a loving gesture. Gill removed his arm and I promptly sprayed him with my spray bottle._

_"There is no problem. Akari and I aren't a couple and we don't have any relationship issues," Gill said._

_I interjected, "I saw the kiss with my own eyes!"_

_"It was fake, okay? We staged it so you would leave us alone! Jin, I believe my father is the one with the problems." Gilligan pointed an accusing finger at me._

_I gasped and practically wet my pants. It wasn't real?_

_Jin looked at me and got ready to take notes on his clipboard. "Is this true, Hamilton? Are you perhaps harboring negative emotions from your past which could be causing you to force your son to find a girlfriend?"_

_That was not a plausible notion, but I decided to humor them and talk about the secrets of my past. "See, it all started when I was five, and my mommy wouldn't let me have a pet rock." I felt a tear escape. "Then when I was six, my imaginary friend, Gill, moved away and left me heartbroken."_

_"Wait a second. What did you say?" Akari asked._

_"I said that my imaginary friend, Gill, moved away and left me heartbroken."_

_Gilly stood up. "You named me after your IMAGINARY friend?"_

_"Yes! He was such a good friend too." At this point I was sobbing. "Jin, please hand me that box of tissues."_

_Gilligan sat back down and shook his head. I continued, "And then when I was seven…"_

_Several boxes of tissues later, I felt so emotionally free. Unfortunately, Jin seemed to have fallen asleep. My soothing voice does have that effect on people. I glanced over at little Gilly and Akari, and they were asleep also. It was so cute. Her head fit perfectly on his shoulder. I whipped out my camera and took lots of pictures for the scrapbook to show the future grandchildren._

_As I am writing this, I am sitting in the doctor's office waiting for Gilligan and Akari to wake up. Now I'm going to write out a list of my favorite names to give to Akari for my grandbabies. What do you think about Claudia Derrièra? Yes that is quite lovely…_

_~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~_

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><p><strong>56 reviews is totally crazy! Thank you so very much! I hope you guys thought this was funny. :) As always, please review with your thoughts, comments, ideas, etc.! <strong>

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**Also, I'm sorry to all of you who are waiting for the final chapter of Keep Believing... I will try to write that soon.**

**- violetfireflies**


	9. Chapter 9

_Loveliest Diary,_

_ The pictures of Gilly and Akari at the clinic are hanging on my wall. Gilligan calls it wishful thinking and says it's ridiculous – but I think the contrary, Diary. Every time Akari walks into a room, I see her in a puffy white dress, just floating down the aisle, ready to pledge her undying love to my son. Gilligan looks at her and his face lights up as he sees the woman he loves with all his heart. _

_ I hear wedding bells every time I see the little cuties together, and I can already smell the scents of wedding cake mixed with perfume and tears – tears from all the miserable girls that wanted Gilligan all for themselves, and from that…_**Chase. **_Well guess what, Chase? AKARI IS GILLIGAN'S FUTURE FIANCEE, WIFE, AND CHILD-BEARER! So BACK OFF!_

_ I'll explain my rage at Chase in a minute. _

_ I told little Gilly of my thoughts, and he rolled his eyes and walked away. He's just embarrassed to admit that he's got sheep's eyes for the cute little farmer! I ran after him, yelling, "Gilly! Wait! If I were your age, I'd snap Akari right up! She's very sweet, and has a cute little figure and amazing childbearing hips! I mean, even your own mother didn't have the figure that Akari does!"_

_ Gilligan turned around with a disgusted look resting upon his beautiful features. It makes him unattractive, I tell you! He shouldn't scrunch his nose and glare at me in such a way, it'll give him wrinkles, and then I'll have to let him use my special homemade wrinkle cream! _

_ Gilly was VERY disrespectful in his tone as he said, "FATHER! Don't talk about Akari that way! You aren't twenty anymore – you shouldn't talk about her that way, period! That's just gross and awful and… Before I say anything stupid, I'm out of here!"_

_ He stormed out of the house, and as soon as the door slammed shut I ran into my room and turned on the baby monitor. It turns out he went to Akari's house to talk to her!_

_ I got so excited that I decided to pay the couple a visit (and give Gilly a little hint), so I flipped off the baby monitor, hiked the whole way up to Akari's place (I now see why her legs are so toned), and knocked on her door. She answered it with a half-hearted smile. She was probably irritated that I interrupted their little date!_

_ "Hello, younglings! I came here to check on you and to…" My words faded off into the distance as I saw…HIM at her table._

_ "CHASE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AKARI IS GILLIGAN'S GIRLFRIEND!" I yelled, infuriated._

_ He simply blinked at me. "No, she's _my_ girlfriend. We've been dating for a week now."_

_ I angrily stomped my foot and looked at Akari. "SO THE COUPLE'S THERAPY WAS FOR NOTHING, I TAKE IT!" _

_ "No, Hamilton – Gill and I are just friends. We've told you that before. If something changes, trust us – you'll be the first to know."_

_ I stood there for a few moments, my blood boiling, yet at the same time, I felt like crying. _

_ So I did. Right there on Akari's front step. I fell to my knees and blubbered and cried like a little baby. Like the grandchild that Akari WILL eventually bear. _

_ After crying for an hour straight, I looked up to find the door closed. I jumped up and looked in Akari's window, and you'll never guess what I saw!_

_ Akari and Chase…were playing Connect Four. That's the game I was going to have everyone play at Akari and Gilly's wedding! My jaw dropped as I watched them. How infuriating – Chase was trying to steal Akari away from us by using the same games that were supposed to bond Gill and Akari as husband and wife! _

_ So here I sit on Akari's front porch, wondering where little Gilly is. I didn't bring my portable baby monitor with me, so I'll be sure to get all the 'fo from him when we both return home. But for now…_

_ I'm going to stay here until Chase leaves._

_~Hamilton Fawn Derrièra~_

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><p><strong>I am so, so, so, so, SO sorry, guys! I'm such a meanie for keeping you guys waiting, and this chapter was pure lameness to boot! *sigh*. Maybe Violet will make the next entry much better.<strong>

**On a better note, holy cow! 62 reviews on 8 chapters. This. Is. AMAZING. Seriously, the support we're getting is very much appreciated, and it just makes our day. So keep up the reviews, they make both Violet and I incredibly happy. **

**Thank you~**

**Lyric**


	10. Chapter 10

_Pulchritudinous diary,_

_I suppose I will never understand the inner workings of the adolescent mind. My life is absolutely topsy-turvy, I tell you! Gilligan doesn't realize that he is slowly stabbing my heart repeatedly with his deadly comb by his foolish lifestyle._

_It all started last night. As you know, I waited on Akari's front porch until Chase left. He didn't leave until a whopping FIVE O'CLOCK AT NIGHT! Can you believe that? I nearly had a stroke. Anyway, he walked out of her house, HOLDING HER HAND. I was hiding in the bushes so as to not give myself away. They glanced in my direction several times before that scoundrel Chase said, "Hamilton, we can see your hair sticking up out of the bush."_

_He just blew my cover! I jumped up like a ninja, trying to imitate Commander Gilligan from Sprite Rangers, and sprained my back. As I was doubled over in pain, Chase rolled his eyes - UTTER DISRESPECT – and walked away with Akari. I could hear their laughter as they continued down the path, each giggle from Akari ripping out my heart and tearing up my hopes and dreams. What does she see in him? It must be the apron. I should make one for Gilly to wear…_

_I could not lay on the ground in the fetal position wallowing in my tears any longer, so I decided to follow them from a safe distance. They made it rather difficult to keep up, and I had to shout at them to slow their pace. It appeared as though they were trying to run away! Unbelievable. Akari would never willingly do such a thing, so it must be that Chase. I can't even say his name without the urge to punch Mr. Fluffy-pants, my anger management teddy bear._

_Akari and Chase walked right into the Sundae Inn. I slipped in unseen after them and hid behind a potted plant. I do believe it was a fern. That was supposed to be the plant that Akari would hold in her bouquet at the wedding! A bouquet of ferns! I get teary-eyed just thinking about their wedding plans. Anyway, there I was, spying on Akari and Chase. They met up with some other youngsters and I made a mess in my pants when I saw who. Gilly. And Luna. They were together, diary! Oh the horror! Why does this happen to me?_

_As Gilligan sat down next to her, I felt a heart attack coming on. Did he not care that Chase was stealing away his future wife right in front of him? And what does he do to fight back? He goes on a date WITH LUNA? SHE IS NOT FIT TO BEAR MY GRANDBABIES!_

_Gilly should not 'hang' with these delinquents! Particularly Chase and Luna. Anyone except for Akari is bad association…_

_I watched them for quite a while. Gilligan and Chase were acting like buddies again. I almost threw up, right then and there. The whole situation was becoming too much for me._

_I jumped up as a sharp pain shot through my chest._

_"I'M HAVING CHEST PAINS!" I yelled in anguish while clutching my dying heart._

_Gilly glanced over at me and ROLLED HIS EYES. Let me repeat that for you, diary. HE ROLLED HIS EYES. Something his delinquent friend Chase would do! I passed out at the abundance of hooliganisms._

_Sometime later I woke up in a dark empty room on a cold hard floor. No one was around. I struggled to remember what had happened and why my pants needed changing. Then I recalled in vivid detail the terror of my heart attack. I assumed I would have been in the clinic, but not so, young diary. I was still on the floor of that repulsive Inn where Gilligan's foolish crimes had just been committed hours earlier!_

_Apparently Gilligan and his so called friends just left me on the floor to die. I'm beginning to realize things, diary. When Gilligan made all those unflattering faces at the mention of his future wedding, when Chase and Akari ran away from me, when Gilly and Akari faked their kiss…_

_I get it now._

_It's all a game to these kids. They're just teasing me. They find sick enjoyment from tugging at my heartstrings and rebelling from my subtle direction. Everyone is aware of the blatantly obvious fact that Gilligan and Akari were meant to be together, but- hold on a second, diary. Someone is staring at me. I can feel it. As you know, I always carry you around with me just in case I need to pour my heart and soul into your pages. So currently, I am sitting behind that potted fern and… oh dear, here come the tears just imaging Akari in her wedding dress, holding ferns…_

_There was a sound. An animal noise... I'm sure of it. As I look around the abandoned Inn, I see a figure in the kitchen._

_"Hamilton?" the figure asks._

_I answer "yes" then pause to record my actions._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"I am plotting to break up Chase and Akari so that I… I mean Gilligan, can live happily ever after with numerous Gilly and Akari Juniors running around underfoot."_

_The figure steps into the light and the sight horrifies me. I recoil in shock._

_"M-Maya?" I ask._

_She licks something off her face and nods. "I want to help."_

_I contemplate this, diary. Maybe this girl could be useful to me in my plans of getting Gilligan and Akari together. There is always the possibility she's a double agent, but at this point, I'm going to take the risk._

_Just to seem hip and suave, I narrow my eyes at her. "Why would you want to help me?"_

_"Akari's nice and stuff, but Chasey belongs with me!"_

_I smile and begin to laugh maniacally._

_"So what's the plan?" she asks. "And why are you writing down everything I'm saying?"_

_xXx_

_So that's how an unlikely alliance began, diary. We plotted into the wee hours of the morn. The dawn is now breaking, and I must go back to check on Gilly and make sure his nightlight didn't go out._

_MARK MY WORDS! Akari and Gillypop will be together. FOREVER. And nothing – not even that apron-clad chef – will tear their love apart!_

_~ Hamilton Fawn Derrièra ~  
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><p><strong>Hey guys! I'm really sorry it took me so long to update! I know it probably wasn't worth the wait, but hopefully you still found it enjoyable. :)<strong>

**Did anyone catch the "chest pains" reference? LOL Let us know if you know where that's from. xP**

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! It's simply amazing! Keep 'em coming and you all get free cookies. ;) Hehe!**

**Now it's Lyric's turnnnn~**

**~ Violet**


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